all women were bigger and stronger than you
and thought they were smarter
women were the ones who started wars
too many of your friends had been raped by women wielding giant dildos
and no K-Y Jelly
the state trooper
who pulled you over on the New Jersey Turnpike
was a woman
and carried a gun
the ability to menstruate
was the prerequisite for most high-paying jobs
your attractiveness to women depended
on the size of your penis
every time women saw you
they’d hoot and make jerking motions with their hands
women were always making jokes
about how ugly penises are
and how bad sperm tastes
you had to explain what’s wrong with your car
to big sweaty women with greasy hands
who stared at your crotch
in a garage where you are surrounded
by posters of naked men with hard-ons
men’s magazines featured cover photos
of 14-year-old boys
tucked into the front of their jeans
and articles like:
“How to tell if your wife is unfaithful”
“What your doctor won’t tell you about your prostate”
“The truth about impotence”
the doctor who examined your prostate
was a woman
and called you “Honey”
you had to inhale your boss’s stale cigar breath
as she insisted that sleeping with her
was part of the job
you couldn’t get away because
the company dress code required
you wear shoes
designed to keep you from running
And what if
after all that
women still wanted you
to love them.
And all the mornings we could have together spent talking, eating, laughing, snoozing a little longer, and just enjoying each other; I want all these things.
I want those mornings where we both don’t know what’s going on, the sleep still clinging to our very bodies, begging for us to return to our beds.
I want those days where you kiss me awake, and I see your puffy face smiling back at me.
I want to brush aside the hair that has fallen down your beautifully worn face. I want to kiss you until we remember that we are late for work. I want to hold you until it is noon, and we have wasted all the hours of our day; but it will be time well invested.
I want these things, those moments of living life, where it was once silent and alone; is now spent with another soul next to me.
I want them; and I want them with you.